It was a few weeks after my well women exam. Which all tests were good even the breast exam. She didn't and I, at the time feel anything out of the ordinary.
I was on my way to work when I stopped for gas and was in a small accident, I was fine but I needed a new car. It was about a week after that accident my chest was hurting a little and so I was rubbing on it a little extra. And that's it.
I felt a lump. In my heart, I knew it was cancer but I told my gut to shut the hell up because maybe it was a cyst or fibroid. But after a week it did not go away so I placed a call to my primary Dr. She tried to reassure me by saying to me, don't worry. This could be... (everything I was hoping it could be) a cyst or fibroid.
So then all the doctor's appointments started. X-ray, ultrasound, diagnostic mammogram(ouch), to needing to do a biopsy. Which didn't feel good and was a very cold process.
Then the waiting game....
Two days felt like two months. I was on my way home from work when my Dr. called and asked me if I could stop by her office on my way home. My heart fell into my gut. Considering the time it was and her asking me to come in, I knew it was not going to be good news. I called my partner and asked her to meet me at the Dr's office. We walked in together and they directed me to the room. A tap at the door and she opens to say hello in such a soft voice. She looks at me. I look at her and say, not good huh? She walked over to me crouched on the floor and told me, I'm sorry you have breast cancer. She held me as I cried in her arms and my partner sitting wide-eyed. I'm sure she wasn't sure what to say. My Dr helped me regain my composure. She told me, I wasn't alone and that we would get through this together.
From that point on my life changed forever. It was as if all of a sudden I was in a rollercoaster. Everything was happening so fast. That week I met my Oncologist and surgeon. I was told I had to act fast because I had a very aggressive form. What did it all mean???? I knew I wanted it out. So at my appointment for my surgery I told my Dr that I wanted to go flat, she said okay, would you like me to talk about recon or is that not necessary? It wasn't necessary. I knew as soon as I heard I had breast cancer those titties were coming off. For .2 seconds I thought to myself how nice would it be to have perfect B, C cup breast. But that was short lived. The risks were too high.
So then it starts. I had my double mastectomy in July of 2017, four weeks after I found my lump. One week from meeting and discussing the plans for my surgery with my surgeon. That's all it took, one week for my cancer to spread. I woke up after my surgery not understanding why my scars went horizontal and vertical???? My cancer spread. My Dr was sorry that she had to give me more scars but the cancer spread almost to my collarbone. It was 4mm from my collarbone. I could see the look in the Dr face once she told me.
Yes, I was upset because of more scars but because she had to remove more cancer, I was okay with it. I wasn't okay with developing hypersensitivity. I didn't even like the wind blowing on my breastless chest. My recovery was not an easy one for me. Once my drains came out, still recovering from having my double mass, chemo started. 18 rounds of poisoning. My body did not like it most days. I got sick. I developed rashes. My nails turned black. I hated food. Despised water, too sweet. Lost any and all hair on my body. Night sweats. Ups and downs. But I fought on. Telling myself I was strong and I could get through it, even the days I knew I could hardly hold on.
Once chemo was over, it was time to heal. So I thought. During chemo, my hip started acting out. I was in a lot of pain. So Dr's here I come again. Torn Labrum. I need surgery. What?? So this will be my next journey. Let's see how this one goes.
I turned 40 this year. I'm still fighting. One more surgery left, well that's what I keep telling myself. But I know I am not alone in this fight. I know I have many people around me that love me and are here for me.
Looking forward in healing. I just keep telling myself, it's just a hiccup!!
It's just a hiccup.
Instagram - @itsjustahiccup